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[Oct. 27th, 2006|03:48 pm] |
sorry, but livejournal isn't me after all.
and for the third time in a year, i'm moving.
this time, it's personal. |
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| it doesn't matter (oh) |
[Oct. 16th, 2006|04:06 pm] |
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hey (:
wow i've been on a hiatus! well haha not really : D
anyway, wow ass week's over, and spire's here. it's been tiring and every sat i've got something major going on, so i've got the whole week to prepare for it, WOW tiring. anyway, deepavali's this saturday, and the poops are coming on sunday yay heh.
today wasn't that good, i got back so many results and they weren't quite satisfying. ahh i'm the most disappointed with chem, but it's alright. i'll bounce back (:
i just wanna say that i'm DISGUSTED with you. rellay really really really reallly disgusted. and i think that you should stop trying to care, or stop acting like you care, because honestly i know that you DON'T. so stop dreaming, because i know. i know, mind you.
I KNOW.
(david beckham i love you!) |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 26th, 2006|09:22 pm] |
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oh gosh i'm really tired, and i'm in a horrible mood, because i'm so angry at myself that instead of doing my work, i'm here-blogging.
this few days got me physically, and emotionally exhausted, and i don't know if i can keep this up all the way to assessment week. i always plan out what i am supposed to do, but in the end i do not follow it one bit, because by the time i come home, my head's full of so many other things. and i always wonder if i'm streesing myself out too much sometimes.
I think that by putting so much pressure on myself i forget to relax, and to look around me, because so much has changed, and i've gone on without realising that it has. I think that once or twice i should take a breather, but i'm too busy telling myself i have no time for breathers, or whatsoever.
i think i should face the truth-that no matter what, i cannot achieve perfection, no matter how hard i try.
i'm really tired, okay back to bio pbl now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2006|09:42 pm] |
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jonathan leong's not the singapore idol, but i still love him very very VERY VERY VERY much <3
you go, boy : D
in other news, carbon atom's gettting more interested, HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
but carbon atom has a really small bladder, carbon atom has to spend a HUGE time in the toilet woah hot manz.
anyway, school's getting more stressful, but its cos assessment week is nearby.
ANYWAY, I STILL LOVE JONATHAN LEONG <3 |
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| and i know you're breathing down my neck but its okay |
[Sep. 19th, 2006|10:34 pm] |
because you turn love into something...plastic.
sometimes i wonder why and what you're doing, when it's clearly obvious its not you. and there are times, when i feel like pulling you away and screaming into your ear whatever i've been bottling up. but i wont, because i know that i wouldn't acheiev anything from it.
it just takes one of you to destroy one of you, and if i hear anything else, i'll just be that bitch. Because, when the times comes, i'll be all ready to stoop down to your level, and i won't hesitate to do it. I care about others, and when you hurt them, i won't be standing still.
****************************************************************************************************
i think this week has been pretty good- my mum and i have been clicking pretty well! today, we shared sticky chewy cocolate ice cream together, and we were just talking, and it was pretty good. Yesterday was even hotter, i actually told her about my day!
YAY i feel goood (:
MELVADOS hahhaa |
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| don't forget to remember me, |
[Sep. 9th, 2006|11:16 pm] |
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| |  chipper | ] |
we were on our way to stitch the blouses for the wedding, and all of a sudden, my mum brought up the RI boy, who had passed away recently. " imagine, your only son dying. the son you've worked your whole life for," she told my aunt and uncle. "apparently the boys at RI couldn't take it, and neither could the teachers."
and then my aunt told us about how her friend's daughter passed away in a day- an apparent lung infection. and how soon after that, her friend's daughter had passed away- on that first lady's birthday as well. "i asked her to go, and she said she couldn't: it brought back too many memories of her daughter."
and then it just hit me- my brother. Sure, i wasn't a mother, but i was a sister, someone who had seen my young brother who had grown up from someone so small and cute to someone so tall, and lanky. and i just couldn't imagine what those people my mum and aunt were talking about were going through. i mean, one day they're here, and the next day, they're gone. and you don't get a chance to tell them how much you love them. and my brother and i might have gone through so much, but without him, i wouldn't...i can't imagine it.
so, even if you won't read this, i just wanna tell you: ARA, you piece of stinky shit, i love you very very very very very much (more than david beckham okay? )
and it doesn't just apply to my brother. i sent out a message to two people yesterday, telling them that they rock, because they've always been there for me, through everything. and to the both of you, I <3 YOU! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 4th, 2006|05:05 pm] |
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you know who you are:
i never NEVER said yes, and it might have been misunderstood. I've always put the friendships that i've had above anything, and that's why i was reluctant to say yes in the first place. i never intended to cause any of the trouble that i may have caused, and for that i apologise. But i want to make one thing clear: i don't hurt people intentionally. and because of what happened today morning, i have made my choice, and that is no, i will not be joining.
i heard what you said today morning, and i was upset because either i was stupid enough to consider it, or the friendship we had wasn't what i thought it was.
for the millionth time, I'm sorry. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2006|10:40 pm] |
today was tiring, with swimming 10 or so laps, and then having teacher's day rehearsal, and walking back in the rain with so many things. oh yes and thankfully i've done my physics, but i have this weird feeling i'm going to flunk it so bad. but oh never mind, let's not think of such things when we've got almost two weeks of pure, sheeer REST.
you know what's funny? how you once said that it was special, but now i think it was plain bullshit. and i don't know why, but i still think of you, maybe because you just led me on a wild goose chase, and what i expected from you was so much more different from what you wanted. Because when i thought that you were everything to me, i meant it. and up to today, i don't know if you did.
i erased everything i had of you, but i have you in my head, and it's not going away, dammit. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 22nd, 2006|10:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | chipper | ] |
hahaha sometimes my friends are so lame, i was reading all the comments on my previous post heh : D
anyway, at dinner today, my father showed me a piece of paper, and when i looked at it, my heart almost melted. It was a reply to an email that my father had sent to his friend, and the email my dad had sent to his friend had stated:
" Hi ---
Arthi and her team won a debate series among schools in Singapore. In the final they (NJC team) met a stiff competition from Raffles Boys.
She also emerged as a best speaker in the final. A local FM station (93.8) interviewed her after the debate...
See attached file-...
Best regards
Anba"
His friend had replied:
"Dear Anba,
Convey my congratulations to Arthi. She has done all her well wishers proud."
*******
OMG you know when i saw this i felt so happy, because i think for the first time ever I MADE MY DAD PROUD OF ME. and trust me, it isnt easy. but i guess its really a good thing, and i'm so glad hes proud of me and even though i chided him for sending out the email, he smiled at me, chuckling, haha. me and my dad havent been so good with expressing emotions and feelings but i'm so happy that now i have something to live up to being his "little girl".
thank you dad <3
in other news, oh did i tell you that i may be performing for teacher's day! hahaa i might (MIGHT) be singing with wanyuns group for the acapella thing, and i hope that i dont make a fool out of myself : D
and maybe i'll see you (: |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 21st, 2006|10:06 pm] |
oh my gosh, the more and more i hear about you, the more i want to be like you. i mean, how do you do it? you've got so many things going on for you, and even if you've got a million responsibilities, a million distractions (that im sure of) you're still able to top it off man!! i tell you, i'm jealous.
someone once told me that i had the same character as you, and boy oh boy, if that means i'm going to be as good as you are, i'd gladly accept that remark as a compliment.
you are one lucky person, remember.
and you, oh please, dont go on about how i behave, okay? because remember, it's ME we're talking about, and i have every right to act how i want to. besides, it's MINE, and if you really think i am, then stop making fun of me and do what you're supposed to do. cos by judging me like that and by being so snide, you're just living up to the name of asshole. and at the rate you're going, i think i'm going to just slap you straight across your face one more time.
sorry that just had to come out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2006|09:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  calm | ] |
hey, thanks for all the love and the sweet tags you guys <3
i think this whole week has been a whirlwind for me. i've been so caught up with judging people and trying to see where i went wrong that i didn't see how i overlooked other people's actions, and the sweet things they've done for me. and to those of you, a huge thank you and a million hugs and kisses.
i've gone through so much this wek, and i think the biggest mistake was bottling it all in. and after telling it to someone, i feel so much better, because i thought that nobody gives a damn shit about me, but i was wrong- there are people out there who do care for me after all, and i'm really happy they are.
and to think about the D word ( now doesnt that sound cool) is just plain stupid, because i'm only 15 and i've got so much to live for, so much to look forward to. i think i was being rash, and impulsive and i'm glad i'm over that now.
i guess its times like these where you feel you need them the most, but the most important question is, will they be there for you?
because sometimes the very thing that you love the most may turn out to be something that was never there at all.
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 17th, 2006|09:28 pm] |
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| |  depressed | ] |
if i can give advice to others, then why the hell can't i give it to myself?
i am sick again ):
someone, give me a lollipop, i want to be five all over again. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 15th, 2006|09:09 pm] |
if i die today,
will you cry tomorrow? |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 14th, 2006|09:22 pm] |
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| | cheerful | ] |
and at the end of the day, this is what i want to say to you:
you may not see me always by your side, with you everytime, because you forget about me, you overlook me. and i admit i do that too, so that's where we're both wrong. and we have our differences.
but when you're out there, on the field, pitching your last pitch, giving it your all, and when you need me the most, to give you a hug, a sense of reassurance, to tell you that it's going to be alright, to hold your hand, and lend you a shoulder, i'll be there. and i'll be watching you, silently rooting for you, at every twist and turn, at every fall and rise, because that's what we are for.
i'll be at the sidelines, and maybe
even in your heart. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 13th, 2006|10:30 pm] |
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| |  drained | ] |
sometimes, it's so difficult to let go
especially when you can't fight this feeling
thanks to nush, gwen and san for your lovely comments heh : D
i was cleaning out my room today, when i found all of the notes that i'd been collecting since the beginning of the year. i found the green little book, haha oh the good times. i just sat down on my bed, and i just read all the notes, i read the stuff we had written in the book, and i couldnt stop smiling.
and all of a sudden, all those memories just came rushing back to me, and....i just felt this ache, this longing to backtrack all the way till january, and start all over again.
i remember sitting right in front of the class, looking all focused and all when all we were trying to do was to write and pass notes in that little green book. i remember the table mates, i remember them rolling their eyes at me as i gushed and gushed and....gushed. i remember the table mates laughing at my "missed chances", laughing at my whining, and restoring faith in me (:
and then i wonder, where's it all gone. I'd have to admit those times were one of the best times of my life, but now, they have been replaced by...large spoonfuls, large dollops of venezia ice cream, french fries, dvds, movies, neoprints, and so many more.
and to be honest, i'd give anything to bring that little green book back to life once again.
but i guess you've got to move on, you cant get too attached to memories. and i've been telling that to myself again and again and again.
but is it wrong to hold on to the past, and maybe..just maybe, wish it could be exactly like what it was before? |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 11th, 2006|09:25 pm] |
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| |  disappointed | ] |
i think this whole thing's becoming weirder and weirder, and i hate myself for it.
but you cant blame me, can you? i'm always hoping for something when it eventually turns out to become nothing at all. and its so sad sometimes, cos im so angry at myself for even hoping. and after that bad experience with you, i'm not going to try and risk anything. because if i do, i know that i'll make myself seem even more stupider than im already being.
but i can't just get my mind of this, and my mind of everything. tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart? because now i know i can't turn to you ):
oh gosh this thing's so.....messy, i wish it had never happened.
i can just feel my heart jump.
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 10th, 2006|10:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  determined | ] |
call me crazy; but i still think that it's becoming something. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 10th, 2006|09:31 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | calm | ] |
hey!
haha the last post was just...weird i think. i was just feeling so angry, and ..yeah. anyway, the day got MUCH better after that : D
the recording at 938LIVE was pretty fun, hahah! we tired to make it not sound like a debate, but oops heh. omg and the recording studio was superr small. but oh, it was pretty okay (:
i guess the best part of the day came after that! I SAW NURUL AND JOAKIM! haha not a big deal for someone who supports Jonathan Leong (<3), but you know, whenever i see a star, i go crazy. and i get dazed. so i was just gasping (and practically everyone was chuckling at me) and i didnt even get their signatures! and joakim even waved, but all i did was gasp dramatically. at this rate, i'll practically faint when ( or if) i meet David Beckham.
unfortunately, i didnt get to see Jonathan Leong! haha then i found out samuel supports Jon as well, and i really wanted to stay in the reception area to meet him. But i didnt, so i walked out. BAH.
its alright, mum promises to buy tickets for finals IF jon or hady gets in the finals!
PLEASE STAY THE BOTH OF YOU!
okay off to do my ih. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 8th, 2006|08:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
i'm so sick of being the last person standing. sometimes, i just wish i could fall headfirst, and i'll have you rescue me.
but will you do it? |
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